Holidays on the Rocks – A Reminder for Fundraisers about their Mental Health this Holiday Season

I once had a colleague tell me that no one gets in a festive mood until after the SEC Football Championship. While our northern friends may not understand this sentiment, I think we can all agree that fundraisers are often juggling a tremendous amount of stress this time of year trying to balance holiday festivities with year-end goals. One moment it’s, “Did we remember to buy your mother a gift” and in the next breath, “How are we going to close this rather substantial end-of-the-year gap in the annual fund?!”

‘Tis the season of dichotomy.

Working in mission-driven organizations means we have to contend with many more stressors than our for-profit colleagues do at this time of the year, and that can take a toll on your mental health. As the holidays approach, we’d like to suggest you prepare for the stress in advance.

The Association of Fundraising Professionals has some great mental health resources specifically for fundraisers. Additionally, we’ve spoken to experts on stress, mental health, and the workplace and have the following suggestions for proactively addressing the stress before it happens.

1. Be realistic with yourself and others. I often refer to being a CEO or ED as “an exercise in strategically managed neglect.” It was not until the end of my second CEO gig that I learned to ask myself, “What is the best and highest use of my time right now.” Sometime later, I learned to apply that discipline to my personal life as well.

   You are not going to be able to make everyone happy all the time. To help manage the stress, make a list of what you expect from yourself and others – friends, family, coworkers – this holiday season. Use the list to prioritize and calendarize activities and obligations, and also to decide what can wait until after the first of the year.

2. Do less. As the saying goes, less is more. Focus on the quality of the things you dedicate your time to, rather than the quantity.

   In the name of the season, even the most well-organized people can overcommit their time. Psychiatrist Dr. Adnan Arif advises: “When you’re looking at your calendar or to-do list, be fair to yourself. Decide what’s most important to you and allow yourself to say no to other demands on your time. This goes for traditions as well. It’s perfectly acceptable for your traditions to change over time and to create new traditions to fit the evolving lifestyle of you, your family and friends. If a ritual causes disproportionate stress, consider forming a new one.”

3. Value healthy habits, diet, and activity. I’m not telling you to put down the eggnog. Just maintain a focus on balance. No one feels celebratory when they confine themselves to carrot sticks while there is a plate of sugar cookies sitting right there!

   Getting enough sleep and moving are the two best things you can do for your health during the holidays. Also remember, in nonprofit, the end of year comes with stress which, in turn, can lead to binge eating and drinking. Consider making a pact with a friend or coworker. “I promise not to get mad when you tell me to cut out the snacking, and I promise to do the same for you.”

4. Connect. It’s possible to feel lonely in a crowd. Things like family gatherings, work functions, and shopping trips can surround us with people who can exhaust us. Statistics show that feelings of isolation and loneliness spike at this time of year. Loneliness, depression and stress are all closely intertwined. Try to proactively guard against periods of isolation by preemptively planning for their possibility.

   Remember the Naughty & Nice list? Make your own. (Don’t call it that, obviously.) In one column, list the people who bring you joy, who empower you, and who energize and refresh you. Schedule time with them in advance and ensure you have placed those meetings strategically in your calendar to give you a much-needed break from the pressure of the holidays.

   Separately, list the people who drain your energy and contribute to your stress level. (If your list contains only your boss and coworkers, that’s a separate conversation.) Think strategically about how you minimize their impact and involvement in your holidays. If Helen in Accounting works your last nerve, get whatever she is going to want from you in the next month done first and get it to her early. 

Lastly, don’t hold yourself to a perfectionist standard. We are usually our harshest critics at these times. What makes a holiday meaningful for ourselves and others is not the consistency of the gravy or the perfection of the gift wrapping. It is being present, truly present, in the moment with those we care about.

All of us at Our Fundraising Search wish you and yours a very Happy Holiday Season.